Rick
2003-09-04 07:13:52 UTC
I was searching through Google's Usenet archive last night and came
across this rather astute list (IMO) of the best 100 SNL skits in the
show's history. Such a list is helpful for making video compilations.
It dates from the mid or late 90's and it'd be great to have an updated/
even more comprehensive list. E.g. I didn't see "Lord and Lady
Douchebag" which I think is one of the show's best ever. If you have
other suggestions please add them.
TOP 100 "SNL" SKETCHES OF ALL-TIME
100. Total Bastard Airlines (1993-94) Rude airline employees assualt
their customers with buh-byes as they deplane. With Helen Hunt.
99. Ed Glosser, Trivial Psychic (1992-93) Christopher Walken's
parody of his Dead Zone role. Here, his character learns insignificant
details about the people he shakes hands with.
98. Italian Restaurant (1991-92) Kirstie Alley and Kevin Nealon have
dinner in a restaurant full of horny Italians expressing unusual public
displays of affection.
97. Amazing Time Savers (1993-94) The phone board lights up with
every racial slur from host Heather Locklear. "This pasta maker is so
easy even a Puerto Rican could use it."
96. NFL on NBC (1995-96) After his acquittal, OJ shows up at his
old job outlining a particular play that also happens to spell out "I did
it." The only truly funny sketch of this season.
95. COMMERCIAL: Shimmer (1975-76) It's a floor wax _and_ a
dessert topping!
94. Sting in an Elevator (1990-91) Fellow passengers Kevin Nealon
and Dana Carvey assault him with falsetto versions of his Police songs
and solo hits.
93. Chris Farley Show (1991-92) The original Farley
show, with inept Chris attempting to interview Daniels.
92. The Pat Stevens Show (1989-90) The one with Fred Savage and
Pat's insecure daughter (Victoria Jackson) .
91. McLaughlin Group (1990-91) The Halloween episode, where the
real McLaughlin shows up to take imposter Dana Carvey's place.
90. Ross Perot (1992-93) A paid message from Perot right before the
92 election, with Perot detailing his plans to solve the energy crisis.
"Step one, we're going to install a national curfew--lights out, 8:30.
You might say to me, 'Ross, what am I going to do after 8:30 with no
electricity?' Well, I'd suggest you get some sleep. You'll be glad you
did when you hear that national wake-up siren at 4:45 am. And you
won't sleep through it either. It'll be LOUD!"
89. Perot and Stockdale (1992-93) The equally-hilarious sketch
where Perot ditches Stockdale on the side of the road and Stockdale
catches up to the car, Terminator-like.
88. Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker (1992-93) The first one, with
Foley encouraging pot smoking teens Christina Applegate and David
Spade to tread the road of right, lest they become like him, "living in a
van down by the river."
87. Stand Up and Win! (1991-92) Jerry Seinfeld hosts a game show
of contestants that talk just like him, the object of the game being to
make up the right joke for any given topic. "Grape Nuts--you look
inside, there's no grapes, no nuts. What's the deal?!" and "Oprah--
She's fat, she's thin, she's fat, she's thin. Good God, woman, pick a
body and go with it!"
86. COMMERCIAL: Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds (1993-94)
With Sally Field as Liz. Filmed exclusively with angles and lighting
designed to conceal her age.
85. Jesse Jackson's monologue (1984-85) He talks about how happy he
is that the show employs so many black people and heads up to the
control room to tell them about the audio feedback he hears. When
they realize he's coming, the all-white control room evacuates and a
group of blacks come in.
84. Attitudes (1988-89) Parody of the lame Lifetime cable show. Guest
is Len Tukwilla, driftwood sculptor (John Malkovich) .
83. Beethoven, Soul Man (1975-76) John Belushi plays the classical
composer, who seemingly invents songs that would later go on to be
Motown classics, like The Temptations "My Girl" and Ray Charles'
"What'd I Say?"
82. COMMERCIAL: Yard-a-Pult (1989-90) A handy device that lets
you send all your trash into your neighbor's yards.
81. Massive Headwound Harry (1991-92) Harry wreaks havoc on Linda
Hamilton and Kevin Nealon's party. Contains a truly hilarious
sequence involving a dog chewing at his festering headwound.
80. Tonight Show (1991-92) Carvey as Carson, in the sketch where
Carson rescinds his retirement and rips Leno to shreds. (LENO: I
brought you this certificate that says "King of Late Night."
CARSON: Is it two-ply? Then I can wipe my butt with it!)
79. Claudine Longet Invitational (1975-76) Skiiers are accidentally
shot by Claudine Longet while Chevy Chase and Jane Curtin
comment.
78. Mary Tyler Moore (1984-85) Lou Grant (Ed Asner) goes on a
reconnaissance mission to rescue Mary, Ted, Rhoda, Georgette and
Murray from the world of syndication.
77. Nat X (1990-91) Black supremacist insults Vanilla Ice (Kevin
Bacon) , Colin Powell.
76. African-American Camp (1994-95) Damon Wayans and Ellen
Cleghorne read roll at an all-black camp, running across some unusual
names.
75. Hannukah Harry Saves Christmas (1989-90) Jewish Harry takes
over for sick Santa.
74. Bush, Clinton, Perot Debate (1992-93) Hartman as Clinton, Carvey
as Bush and Perot.
73. Sweeney Sisters (1987-88) Upon learning Paul Simon is in the
audience of their ski lodge show, they sing a medley of Simon and
Garfunkel tunes.
72. Anal Retentive Chef (1988-89) Tightass Phil Hartman never gets
around to cooking, spending all his time preparing his reject green
peppers for the garbage.
71. Toonces the Driving Cat (1988-89) Steve Martin finds out his cat
can drive, just not very well.
70. Nude Beach (1988-89) Matthew Broderick and his small penis are
welcomed to a nude beach with the singing of the penis anthem.
69. Gulf War Press Conference (1990-91) Kevin Nealon repeatedly
refuses to answer questions that may give advantages to the enemy.
68. King Tut (1977-78) Steve Martin sings his ode to the great
pharoah.
67. Leslie Nielson Product Endorsements (1988-89) Including Blotch-
off Liver Spot Remover, Drip-Master Bladder Control, and Bung-King
Hemorrhoid Treatment.
66. Church Chat (1986-87) The first sketch, in which Enid gets a visit
from demon-possessed Zuul of "Ghostbusters" fame (Sigourney
Weaver) .
65. Clinton at McDonald's (1992-93) Stopping in after jogging,
Clinton samples fast food off the customers' trays while explaining
America's involvement in Somalia.
64. Chippendales Audition Sketch (1990-91) Patrick Swayze and Chris
Farley both try out for a position in the dance troupe, but only one will
make it.
63. Clarence Thomas Hearings (1991-92) The senators (Edward
Kennedy, Strom Thurmond, Paul Simon) give Thomas advice on
harrassing women. (KENNEDY: What you do is get them out on your
houseboat because then they can't get away.)
62. Wayne's World (1989-90) Aerosmith stops by the basement to talk
politics and sing the "Wayne's World" theme.
61. COMMERCIAL: Schmitt's Gay (1991-92) Housesitters Adam
Sandler and Chris Farley witness the transformation of an empty pool
into a tropical paradise full of buff men.
60. Restaurant Sketch (1989-90) Sophisticated ladies' man Robert
Wagner has only one problem--he eats like a pig.
59. Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber (1977-78) Patrons stop by
Steve Martin's establishment for some hair cuts and blood letting.
58. Coffee Talk (1991-92) The one with Madonna and Barbra
Streisand.
57. All Drug Olympics (1988-89) Drugs aren't only allowed, they're
encouraged.
56. Focus on Film (1982-83) Host Raheem Abdul Mohammed (Eddie
Murphy) interviews Ron "Opie Cunningham" Howard, who insists
he's grown up since his roles on "Andy Griffith" and "Happy Days."
55. Mountain Story (1988-89) Dolly Parton relates to the cast how her
mom used to make up stories about a crazy woman named Lucy, a by-
the-book detective named Friday and a witch named Samantha. None
of the cast can bring themselves to tell Dolly her mom stole the stories
from TV.
54. Prose and Cons (1981-82) Eddie Murphy as convict author of "Cill
My Landlord"
53. Church Chat (1987-88) The Christmas one with Jessica Hahn (Jan
Hooks) and Danny DeVito.
52. Dancing in the Dark (1977-78) Gilda Radner and Steve Martin
dance through the studio.
51. Sincere Joe Montana (1986-87) Surrounded by hypocrites who say
one thing and think the other, Joe's thoughts match his words exactly.
("You won't disturb me. I'll be in my room, masturbating.")
50. Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute (1978-79) Dan Aykroyd insists
Margot "Lois Lane" Kidder has him for the night. ("No way around it
ma'am, you're spending the night with Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute.")
49. Pathological Liars' Anonymous (1985-86) Tommy Flannigan
(John Lovitz) tells of life as a pathological liar. ("I'm on the cover of
Newsweek... everyday.")
48. COMMERCIAL: Kannon Camera (1982-83) The camera so
simple, even Stevie Wonder can use it.
47. It's Pat (1990-91) The one where Pat gets a haircut from George
Wendt. Men, $15.00; Women, $17.50--to which Pat announces,
"Here's twenty dollars, keep the change."
46. Wayne's World (1988-89) A little role reversal, with guest Wayne
Gretsky becoming host after Wayne beats him at hockey and wins the
love of his beautiful wife.
45. Ed Grimley's Wheel of Fortune Interview (1984-85) Grimley
professes his undying devotion to Pat Sajak before the interviewer
jumps out the window.
44. COMMERCIAL: Metrocard (1990-91) Rude Roseanne Arnold
retells the story of a loser who called her in the middle of the night
after losing his card at the airport.
43. Return of Hercules (1986-87) Bill Murray returns to the role too
out of shape to lift a boulder.
42. Willie and Frankie (1984-85) Trade anecdotes about self-inflicted
pain. "I hate when that happens."
41. Exorcist II (1975-76) With Richard Pryor and a possessed Laraine
Newman
40. COMMERCIAL: Unforgivable (1991-92) Following the success of
Natalie Cole's posthumous duet with her father, she decides to sing
with all her dad's dead old friends, including Elvis, Judy Garland,
Mama Cass and more.
39. Bush / Dukakis Debate (1988-89) Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz
square off, with Jan Hooks as Diane Sawyer and Tom Hanks as Peter
Jennings.
38. Church Chat (1989-90) Enid welcomes Nadia Comeniche (Jan
Hooks) and Leona Helmsley (Nora Dunn) before indulging in a "sex,
lies and videotape" confession about Minister Bob's big ladel to a
camcorder-carrying Andie MacDowell.
37. Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood (1984-85) Just in time for
Christmas, Eddie Murphy tells us how a kettle and a bell can become a
small business and a head of cabbage can be added to a decapitated
doll for a street value of about fifty bucks.
36. Super Fans Quiz Show (1991-92) Questions about da Bears and da
Bulls. The victor wins five minutes in the cheez fry booth.
35. William Shatner's Monologue (1986-87) He speaks unmercifully to
pathetic Trekkers, urging them to "get a life" and "move out of your
parents' basements," pointing at one Trekker and remarking, "You,
you must be almost thirty. Have you ever kissed a girl?"
34. Little Richard Simmons (1981-82) A hybrid between the soul
singer and the exercise guru, with exercise lyrics like "Good golly,
Miss Molly, you look like a hog!"
33. COMMERCIAL: Little Chocolate Donuts (1977-78) John
Belushi's secret to winning the Decathalon.
32. Nerds Prom (1977-78) Todd and Lisa get pre-Prom advice from
Mrs. Loopner and Todd's dad.
31. Ebony and Ivory (1981-82) Frank Sinatra brings in Stevie Wonder
to record a new version of the song, with the lyrics "You are dark and
I am light, you are blind as a bat and I have sight. Side by side you are
my amigo, negro, let's not fight."
30. Pumping Up With Hans and Franz (1988-89) The German
bodybuilders welcome their cousins Danny DeVito and Arnold
Schwarzeneggar.
29. Gerald Ford (1975-76) Chase as Ford, undergoing a word
association test at the psychiatrist.
28. Dick Clark's Secretary (1991-92) David Spade won't let Roseanne
Arnold, Dick's long-lost mother or Jesus enter Dick's office.
27. Festrunk Brothers (1977-78) They get depressed when their
swinging black friend Cliff tells them they were hosed when two foxes
said they'd meet them back at the fox pad for a night of racous sex.
26. Fernando's Hideaway (1984-85) An "SNL" cameraman stands in
for the missing Barry Manilow.
25. Velvet Jones (1981-82) He hawks his instructional book "I Wanna
Be a Ho."
24. Jackie Rogers Jr.'s $100,000 Jackpot Wad (1984-85) Word game
with competing celebrity contestants Sammy Davis Jr. (Billy Crystal)
and Captain Kangaroo (Jim Belushi) , who needs the money.
23. Coneheads (1977-78) The one where they go on Family Fued.
22. COMMERCIAL: Mel's Char Palace (1975-76) Where you pick the
cow and kill it yourself.
21. Samurai Delicatessan (1975-76) Futaba (John Belushi) makes a
sandwich for Buck Henry.
20. Greenhilly (1989-90) Every time the music plays, Alec Baldwin
kisses the first person (or dog) he comes into contact with.
19. The Pepsi Syndrome (1978-79) Epic sketch where the Three Mile
Island meltdown leads to Carter and the cleaning woman mutating to
a hundred feet tall, with Rodney Dangerfield explaining to Rosalyn
just how big her husband is. ("He could make love to two women at
the same time and they'd never even see each other.")
18. Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood (1983-84) Eddie Murphy pulls out a
bag of stolen groceries ( [looking at receipt] "Wow, boys and girls, this
cost over sixty-seven dollars. You'd think it would be worth more than
a quarter to that white woman who paid me to carry it to her car for
her.") and talks about nutrition ("A ten pound turkey and a T-bone
steak have roughly the same amount of protein, but when you think
about it, a T-bone steak is so much easier to slip under your clothes.")
17. Church Chat (1987-88) Sean Penn gets violent with Enid after
some harsh comments about his wife, Madonna.
16. E. Buzz Miller's Art Classics (1977-78) Pervert Dan Aykroyd
shows off some classic nudes, his favorite ones being painted by
Titian.
15. Family Ties (1987-88) The characters reminisce in this flashback-
within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-
flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-
within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-
flashback-within-a-flashback in the Keaton kitchen.
14. Star Trek (1975-76) The crew of the Enterprise overreacts to the
news the show's being cancelled.
13. Coneheads (1977-78) On Halloween the Coneheads give out beer
and fried chicken embryos, to the complaint of parents Gilda Radner
and Bill Murray, who are invited by the Coneheads to "partake in the
symbolic vegetable orb" (pumpkin) . Murray responds that they "had a
piece of vegetable orb pie" earlier.
12. 53rd Republican Republican Debate 1988 (1987-88) With Aykroyd
as Bob Dole, Carvey as Bush, Franken as Pat Robertson (in one of the
most hilarious impressions ever) and more.
11. Consumer Probe (1977-78) Candice Bergan attacks sleazy
businessman Irwin Mainway (Aykroyd) and his unsafe Halloween
costumes, including "Invisible Pedestrian" and "Johnny Human
Torch" ("This is nothing more than a bag of oily rags and a lighter") .
10. Job Interview (1975-76) Chase gives a word association test to
Richard Pryor consisting of escalating racial slurs.
9. Wayne's World (1990-91) The one with Madonna.
8. COMMERCIAL: Buhweet Sings (1981-82) An album from the
speech-impaired "Our Gang" cast member, including "Wookin Pa
Nub," "Fee Times a Mady" and "?????"
7. Prisoner Audition (1975-76) Insane inmates audition for a part in
the prison production of Gigi. Includes the super-hilarious Garrett
Morris "Get Me a Shotgun and Kill All the Whiteys I See" song.
6. COMMERCIAL: Super Bass-o-Matic 76 (1975-76) The perfect
blender for making fish shakes.
5. The Sinatra Group (1990-91) The Chairman moderates a panel
including Billy Idol, Sinead O'Conner, Luther Campbell and Steve
Lawrence and Edie Gourmet.
4. Nerds (1977-78) Todd and Lisa can barely control their laughter at
the sight of crack-revealing refrigerator repairman Dan Aykroyd. (A
forerunner of "NYPD Blue")
3. White Like Me (1983-84) In response to the book "Black Like Me,"
Eddie Murphy learns how to talk and act white, discovering a whole
world of advantages he never had while being black.
2. Synchronized Swimmers (1984-85) Martin Short and Harry Shearer
in training for the 1988 Olympics.
1. Jaws II (1975-76) A landshark attacks single women in their
apartments. Matt Cooper and Sheriff Brady have to stop him.
across this rather astute list (IMO) of the best 100 SNL skits in the
show's history. Such a list is helpful for making video compilations.
It dates from the mid or late 90's and it'd be great to have an updated/
even more comprehensive list. E.g. I didn't see "Lord and Lady
Douchebag" which I think is one of the show's best ever. If you have
other suggestions please add them.
TOP 100 "SNL" SKETCHES OF ALL-TIME
100. Total Bastard Airlines (1993-94) Rude airline employees assualt
their customers with buh-byes as they deplane. With Helen Hunt.
99. Ed Glosser, Trivial Psychic (1992-93) Christopher Walken's
parody of his Dead Zone role. Here, his character learns insignificant
details about the people he shakes hands with.
98. Italian Restaurant (1991-92) Kirstie Alley and Kevin Nealon have
dinner in a restaurant full of horny Italians expressing unusual public
displays of affection.
97. Amazing Time Savers (1993-94) The phone board lights up with
every racial slur from host Heather Locklear. "This pasta maker is so
easy even a Puerto Rican could use it."
96. NFL on NBC (1995-96) After his acquittal, OJ shows up at his
old job outlining a particular play that also happens to spell out "I did
it." The only truly funny sketch of this season.
95. COMMERCIAL: Shimmer (1975-76) It's a floor wax _and_ a
dessert topping!
94. Sting in an Elevator (1990-91) Fellow passengers Kevin Nealon
and Dana Carvey assault him with falsetto versions of his Police songs
and solo hits.
93. Chris Farley Show (1991-92) The original Farley
show, with inept Chris attempting to interview Daniels.
92. The Pat Stevens Show (1989-90) The one with Fred Savage and
Pat's insecure daughter (Victoria Jackson) .
91. McLaughlin Group (1990-91) The Halloween episode, where the
real McLaughlin shows up to take imposter Dana Carvey's place.
90. Ross Perot (1992-93) A paid message from Perot right before the
92 election, with Perot detailing his plans to solve the energy crisis.
"Step one, we're going to install a national curfew--lights out, 8:30.
You might say to me, 'Ross, what am I going to do after 8:30 with no
electricity?' Well, I'd suggest you get some sleep. You'll be glad you
did when you hear that national wake-up siren at 4:45 am. And you
won't sleep through it either. It'll be LOUD!"
89. Perot and Stockdale (1992-93) The equally-hilarious sketch
where Perot ditches Stockdale on the side of the road and Stockdale
catches up to the car, Terminator-like.
88. Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker (1992-93) The first one, with
Foley encouraging pot smoking teens Christina Applegate and David
Spade to tread the road of right, lest they become like him, "living in a
van down by the river."
87. Stand Up and Win! (1991-92) Jerry Seinfeld hosts a game show
of contestants that talk just like him, the object of the game being to
make up the right joke for any given topic. "Grape Nuts--you look
inside, there's no grapes, no nuts. What's the deal?!" and "Oprah--
She's fat, she's thin, she's fat, she's thin. Good God, woman, pick a
body and go with it!"
86. COMMERCIAL: Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds (1993-94)
With Sally Field as Liz. Filmed exclusively with angles and lighting
designed to conceal her age.
85. Jesse Jackson's monologue (1984-85) He talks about how happy he
is that the show employs so many black people and heads up to the
control room to tell them about the audio feedback he hears. When
they realize he's coming, the all-white control room evacuates and a
group of blacks come in.
84. Attitudes (1988-89) Parody of the lame Lifetime cable show. Guest
is Len Tukwilla, driftwood sculptor (John Malkovich) .
83. Beethoven, Soul Man (1975-76) John Belushi plays the classical
composer, who seemingly invents songs that would later go on to be
Motown classics, like The Temptations "My Girl" and Ray Charles'
"What'd I Say?"
82. COMMERCIAL: Yard-a-Pult (1989-90) A handy device that lets
you send all your trash into your neighbor's yards.
81. Massive Headwound Harry (1991-92) Harry wreaks havoc on Linda
Hamilton and Kevin Nealon's party. Contains a truly hilarious
sequence involving a dog chewing at his festering headwound.
80. Tonight Show (1991-92) Carvey as Carson, in the sketch where
Carson rescinds his retirement and rips Leno to shreds. (LENO: I
brought you this certificate that says "King of Late Night."
CARSON: Is it two-ply? Then I can wipe my butt with it!)
79. Claudine Longet Invitational (1975-76) Skiiers are accidentally
shot by Claudine Longet while Chevy Chase and Jane Curtin
comment.
78. Mary Tyler Moore (1984-85) Lou Grant (Ed Asner) goes on a
reconnaissance mission to rescue Mary, Ted, Rhoda, Georgette and
Murray from the world of syndication.
77. Nat X (1990-91) Black supremacist insults Vanilla Ice (Kevin
Bacon) , Colin Powell.
76. African-American Camp (1994-95) Damon Wayans and Ellen
Cleghorne read roll at an all-black camp, running across some unusual
names.
75. Hannukah Harry Saves Christmas (1989-90) Jewish Harry takes
over for sick Santa.
74. Bush, Clinton, Perot Debate (1992-93) Hartman as Clinton, Carvey
as Bush and Perot.
73. Sweeney Sisters (1987-88) Upon learning Paul Simon is in the
audience of their ski lodge show, they sing a medley of Simon and
Garfunkel tunes.
72. Anal Retentive Chef (1988-89) Tightass Phil Hartman never gets
around to cooking, spending all his time preparing his reject green
peppers for the garbage.
71. Toonces the Driving Cat (1988-89) Steve Martin finds out his cat
can drive, just not very well.
70. Nude Beach (1988-89) Matthew Broderick and his small penis are
welcomed to a nude beach with the singing of the penis anthem.
69. Gulf War Press Conference (1990-91) Kevin Nealon repeatedly
refuses to answer questions that may give advantages to the enemy.
68. King Tut (1977-78) Steve Martin sings his ode to the great
pharoah.
67. Leslie Nielson Product Endorsements (1988-89) Including Blotch-
off Liver Spot Remover, Drip-Master Bladder Control, and Bung-King
Hemorrhoid Treatment.
66. Church Chat (1986-87) The first sketch, in which Enid gets a visit
from demon-possessed Zuul of "Ghostbusters" fame (Sigourney
Weaver) .
65. Clinton at McDonald's (1992-93) Stopping in after jogging,
Clinton samples fast food off the customers' trays while explaining
America's involvement in Somalia.
64. Chippendales Audition Sketch (1990-91) Patrick Swayze and Chris
Farley both try out for a position in the dance troupe, but only one will
make it.
63. Clarence Thomas Hearings (1991-92) The senators (Edward
Kennedy, Strom Thurmond, Paul Simon) give Thomas advice on
harrassing women. (KENNEDY: What you do is get them out on your
houseboat because then they can't get away.)
62. Wayne's World (1989-90) Aerosmith stops by the basement to talk
politics and sing the "Wayne's World" theme.
61. COMMERCIAL: Schmitt's Gay (1991-92) Housesitters Adam
Sandler and Chris Farley witness the transformation of an empty pool
into a tropical paradise full of buff men.
60. Restaurant Sketch (1989-90) Sophisticated ladies' man Robert
Wagner has only one problem--he eats like a pig.
59. Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber (1977-78) Patrons stop by
Steve Martin's establishment for some hair cuts and blood letting.
58. Coffee Talk (1991-92) The one with Madonna and Barbra
Streisand.
57. All Drug Olympics (1988-89) Drugs aren't only allowed, they're
encouraged.
56. Focus on Film (1982-83) Host Raheem Abdul Mohammed (Eddie
Murphy) interviews Ron "Opie Cunningham" Howard, who insists
he's grown up since his roles on "Andy Griffith" and "Happy Days."
55. Mountain Story (1988-89) Dolly Parton relates to the cast how her
mom used to make up stories about a crazy woman named Lucy, a by-
the-book detective named Friday and a witch named Samantha. None
of the cast can bring themselves to tell Dolly her mom stole the stories
from TV.
54. Prose and Cons (1981-82) Eddie Murphy as convict author of "Cill
My Landlord"
53. Church Chat (1987-88) The Christmas one with Jessica Hahn (Jan
Hooks) and Danny DeVito.
52. Dancing in the Dark (1977-78) Gilda Radner and Steve Martin
dance through the studio.
51. Sincere Joe Montana (1986-87) Surrounded by hypocrites who say
one thing and think the other, Joe's thoughts match his words exactly.
("You won't disturb me. I'll be in my room, masturbating.")
50. Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute (1978-79) Dan Aykroyd insists
Margot "Lois Lane" Kidder has him for the night. ("No way around it
ma'am, you're spending the night with Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute.")
49. Pathological Liars' Anonymous (1985-86) Tommy Flannigan
(John Lovitz) tells of life as a pathological liar. ("I'm on the cover of
Newsweek... everyday.")
48. COMMERCIAL: Kannon Camera (1982-83) The camera so
simple, even Stevie Wonder can use it.
47. It's Pat (1990-91) The one where Pat gets a haircut from George
Wendt. Men, $15.00; Women, $17.50--to which Pat announces,
"Here's twenty dollars, keep the change."
46. Wayne's World (1988-89) A little role reversal, with guest Wayne
Gretsky becoming host after Wayne beats him at hockey and wins the
love of his beautiful wife.
45. Ed Grimley's Wheel of Fortune Interview (1984-85) Grimley
professes his undying devotion to Pat Sajak before the interviewer
jumps out the window.
44. COMMERCIAL: Metrocard (1990-91) Rude Roseanne Arnold
retells the story of a loser who called her in the middle of the night
after losing his card at the airport.
43. Return of Hercules (1986-87) Bill Murray returns to the role too
out of shape to lift a boulder.
42. Willie and Frankie (1984-85) Trade anecdotes about self-inflicted
pain. "I hate when that happens."
41. Exorcist II (1975-76) With Richard Pryor and a possessed Laraine
Newman
40. COMMERCIAL: Unforgivable (1991-92) Following the success of
Natalie Cole's posthumous duet with her father, she decides to sing
with all her dad's dead old friends, including Elvis, Judy Garland,
Mama Cass and more.
39. Bush / Dukakis Debate (1988-89) Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz
square off, with Jan Hooks as Diane Sawyer and Tom Hanks as Peter
Jennings.
38. Church Chat (1989-90) Enid welcomes Nadia Comeniche (Jan
Hooks) and Leona Helmsley (Nora Dunn) before indulging in a "sex,
lies and videotape" confession about Minister Bob's big ladel to a
camcorder-carrying Andie MacDowell.
37. Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood (1984-85) Just in time for
Christmas, Eddie Murphy tells us how a kettle and a bell can become a
small business and a head of cabbage can be added to a decapitated
doll for a street value of about fifty bucks.
36. Super Fans Quiz Show (1991-92) Questions about da Bears and da
Bulls. The victor wins five minutes in the cheez fry booth.
35. William Shatner's Monologue (1986-87) He speaks unmercifully to
pathetic Trekkers, urging them to "get a life" and "move out of your
parents' basements," pointing at one Trekker and remarking, "You,
you must be almost thirty. Have you ever kissed a girl?"
34. Little Richard Simmons (1981-82) A hybrid between the soul
singer and the exercise guru, with exercise lyrics like "Good golly,
Miss Molly, you look like a hog!"
33. COMMERCIAL: Little Chocolate Donuts (1977-78) John
Belushi's secret to winning the Decathalon.
32. Nerds Prom (1977-78) Todd and Lisa get pre-Prom advice from
Mrs. Loopner and Todd's dad.
31. Ebony and Ivory (1981-82) Frank Sinatra brings in Stevie Wonder
to record a new version of the song, with the lyrics "You are dark and
I am light, you are blind as a bat and I have sight. Side by side you are
my amigo, negro, let's not fight."
30. Pumping Up With Hans and Franz (1988-89) The German
bodybuilders welcome their cousins Danny DeVito and Arnold
Schwarzeneggar.
29. Gerald Ford (1975-76) Chase as Ford, undergoing a word
association test at the psychiatrist.
28. Dick Clark's Secretary (1991-92) David Spade won't let Roseanne
Arnold, Dick's long-lost mother or Jesus enter Dick's office.
27. Festrunk Brothers (1977-78) They get depressed when their
swinging black friend Cliff tells them they were hosed when two foxes
said they'd meet them back at the fox pad for a night of racous sex.
26. Fernando's Hideaway (1984-85) An "SNL" cameraman stands in
for the missing Barry Manilow.
25. Velvet Jones (1981-82) He hawks his instructional book "I Wanna
Be a Ho."
24. Jackie Rogers Jr.'s $100,000 Jackpot Wad (1984-85) Word game
with competing celebrity contestants Sammy Davis Jr. (Billy Crystal)
and Captain Kangaroo (Jim Belushi) , who needs the money.
23. Coneheads (1977-78) The one where they go on Family Fued.
22. COMMERCIAL: Mel's Char Palace (1975-76) Where you pick the
cow and kill it yourself.
21. Samurai Delicatessan (1975-76) Futaba (John Belushi) makes a
sandwich for Buck Henry.
20. Greenhilly (1989-90) Every time the music plays, Alec Baldwin
kisses the first person (or dog) he comes into contact with.
19. The Pepsi Syndrome (1978-79) Epic sketch where the Three Mile
Island meltdown leads to Carter and the cleaning woman mutating to
a hundred feet tall, with Rodney Dangerfield explaining to Rosalyn
just how big her husband is. ("He could make love to two women at
the same time and they'd never even see each other.")
18. Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood (1983-84) Eddie Murphy pulls out a
bag of stolen groceries ( [looking at receipt] "Wow, boys and girls, this
cost over sixty-seven dollars. You'd think it would be worth more than
a quarter to that white woman who paid me to carry it to her car for
her.") and talks about nutrition ("A ten pound turkey and a T-bone
steak have roughly the same amount of protein, but when you think
about it, a T-bone steak is so much easier to slip under your clothes.")
17. Church Chat (1987-88) Sean Penn gets violent with Enid after
some harsh comments about his wife, Madonna.
16. E. Buzz Miller's Art Classics (1977-78) Pervert Dan Aykroyd
shows off some classic nudes, his favorite ones being painted by
Titian.
15. Family Ties (1987-88) The characters reminisce in this flashback-
within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-
flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-
within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-flashback-within-a-
flashback-within-a-flashback in the Keaton kitchen.
14. Star Trek (1975-76) The crew of the Enterprise overreacts to the
news the show's being cancelled.
13. Coneheads (1977-78) On Halloween the Coneheads give out beer
and fried chicken embryos, to the complaint of parents Gilda Radner
and Bill Murray, who are invited by the Coneheads to "partake in the
symbolic vegetable orb" (pumpkin) . Murray responds that they "had a
piece of vegetable orb pie" earlier.
12. 53rd Republican Republican Debate 1988 (1987-88) With Aykroyd
as Bob Dole, Carvey as Bush, Franken as Pat Robertson (in one of the
most hilarious impressions ever) and more.
11. Consumer Probe (1977-78) Candice Bergan attacks sleazy
businessman Irwin Mainway (Aykroyd) and his unsafe Halloween
costumes, including "Invisible Pedestrian" and "Johnny Human
Torch" ("This is nothing more than a bag of oily rags and a lighter") .
10. Job Interview (1975-76) Chase gives a word association test to
Richard Pryor consisting of escalating racial slurs.
9. Wayne's World (1990-91) The one with Madonna.
8. COMMERCIAL: Buhweet Sings (1981-82) An album from the
speech-impaired "Our Gang" cast member, including "Wookin Pa
Nub," "Fee Times a Mady" and "?????"
7. Prisoner Audition (1975-76) Insane inmates audition for a part in
the prison production of Gigi. Includes the super-hilarious Garrett
Morris "Get Me a Shotgun and Kill All the Whiteys I See" song.
6. COMMERCIAL: Super Bass-o-Matic 76 (1975-76) The perfect
blender for making fish shakes.
5. The Sinatra Group (1990-91) The Chairman moderates a panel
including Billy Idol, Sinead O'Conner, Luther Campbell and Steve
Lawrence and Edie Gourmet.
4. Nerds (1977-78) Todd and Lisa can barely control their laughter at
the sight of crack-revealing refrigerator repairman Dan Aykroyd. (A
forerunner of "NYPD Blue")
3. White Like Me (1983-84) In response to the book "Black Like Me,"
Eddie Murphy learns how to talk and act white, discovering a whole
world of advantages he never had while being black.
2. Synchronized Swimmers (1984-85) Martin Short and Harry Shearer
in training for the 1988 Olympics.
1. Jaws II (1975-76) A landshark attacks single women in their
apartments. Matt Cooper and Sheriff Brady have to stop him.
